The secret to a good successful suicide is that same as that for diving into a really cold lake: self deception.
Have you ever dove into a really really cold lake on a really cold morning? Nothing like it, right? It is a pure cleansing of the soul that few physical experiences can match. Of course it is also pretty painful and may make you scream a little, which is why it can be very hard to get your ass off of those boulders and into the clear (but freezing) water. That is why I have developed my own special system for taking the plunge. I work my way out onto a particularly nice boulder with a good straight path to dive into sufficiently deep water. I stand up, put my arms out straight to either side like I am an Olympic diver getting ready on the 3 meter board. Now comes the self deception. You see, up until this time I have been practicing by telling myself a truth. I have been saying to myself, over and over, don’t worry, you can always change your mind.
I get up just at sunrise, before anyone else in the cabin is awake. Don’t worry, I say to myself, you can always change your mind. I grab a towel and walk down the little path toward the lake. Don’t worry, you can always change your mind. I strip down naked and place my clothes on nice dry rock and take in a deep breath of the cold morning air. Don’t worry you can always change you mind. Then I walk carefully out to that prime diving bolder and glance to the East to get a view of the Sun as it just peaks up above the trees on the eastern shore of the lake. Plenty of time to change my mind. And the beauty of it is that all of these things I have told myself are true. I could easily have changed my mind and gone back inside and crawled into bed and curled up next to my lovely partner. I could still do that right NOW. It is not too late. So I tell myself to go ahead and make the dive, you can change you mind after you are in the air and looking down at the lake. Then, if I so decide, I can change my mind and not go into the freezing water. And since I have been telling myself the truth all morning, this must be true also so I Jump. And as I fly out over the pristine blue water, I think, this is so lovely, and I can always just change my mind.
And then.
I change my mind.
SUCKER !
And I hit the cold water and shock and awe runs through my body and for a few seconds, I see God.
Successful Suicide is the same. You tell yourself that you can always change your mind. You go and get that gun out of the closet. Or you drive yourself to that bridge over the Narrows. Or you find that bottle of pills that you have been saving for a really bad day. And you proceed from there all the while telling yourself that you can always change you mind. It is never too late.
Until it is.
A person that isn’t very good at suicide would see right through these self deceptions, of course, and probably go and see a shrink or something like that. Losers. They are the same ones that spend the morning cuddled up in their blankets sleeping right through the dawn. They don’t see the sun peak over the trees or hear the sharp splash and subsequent screaming down by the lake.
