With Malice Aforethought.

With Malice Aforethought.

It is the year 2057. Just minutes from 2058. Just 45 years since the ascension of Saint Mitt to the rightful thrown of Jesus in the West. I have researched the relevant history carefully, and I am quite sure of this next assertion. 

I am the greatest mass murderer of all time.

Well, I don't count Hitler. He just gave the orders. And I don't count the pilot of the Enola Gay, he was just following orders.

No, you have to do it intimately. With your own two hands..... or whatever.

All of my victims were children. Under the age of 10. The punishment for that is reasonably and exponentially higher than other abominations. So, in 15 minutes, when the new year comes, and the executioner throws the switch,  I will burn in torment in this life, before I am sent to burn in torment in hell. Oh that should be such fun.

I remember each victim so well. Because not only did I snuff the life of a child, I enlisted the unwitting aid of the child's mother. Oh sweat death, where is your sting? Right here, Baby!

I had originally thought the seductions of the Mothers would be much more difficult than was actually true. In fact, they had little armor, little defense. I just walked up to them, smiled, and made my play. Sometimes they turned me down. But at least once a week for 5 years, it worked like a prayer to God. “Hey, girl. I don't usually do this sort of thing, but How about I buy you Dinner?”

But I knew to give the Devil his due. My Father had taught me, “Son, if you want a woman to love and treasure you, you have to give in to her needs. You have to listen to her, you have to care”.

And so I would listen. I would care. And 8 dinners out of 10, she would invite me back to her place.

And I admit this freely to you, just as I admitted it to a jury of my peers. Before the murder, I would ravish here totally and without restraint.

Of course, there was a certain amount of foreplay.

I usually started with hugs. Such a dangerous thing. Nothing more seductive or addictive. Then, some kissing. Then, to really get things moving, I would ask her about herself. What were her dreams? What were her loves? What were her most secret yearnings?

Hopefully, she had Internet, so we could watch a good movie.

Already I had committed a murder. Though even Saint Mitt wouldn't know about this one. Murder by Internet is one of my Favs.

After the first night, I always waited 2 days. Then I would call. And we would meet again. And at this time there was pretty much no stopping her. God God God, how can anyone believe that such physical bliss could have evolved from the behavior of Animals?? HA HA, as if animals can have Sex !!

And here is where I did the deed. Here is where I did my deepest and most horrendous murder. Because just as she was begging me. Just as she needed me inside of her, I would turn away and.... and... God it is hard to admit it even to you, even today, even as the electrodes are placed over my head... but YES, I would turn away from her and PUT on the Condom.

And then, oh, I would do her. I was very sincere about that. I would work VERY hard. Because I could not be content or fulfilled until she was fulfilled and complicit in the murder of her UNCONCEIVED child. And yes, the Orgasm was incredible. And I would cry over her sweaty body as she was wrecked with spasm after spasm and I would KNOW that yet another child had been denied existence. Another live snuffed out by my little plastic friend..... and me.

53 children never conceived. 53 lives never lead. 53 persons whom GOD HIMSELF can never know. Fuck you GOD!!! HA HA HA.

I am glad that Mitt Romney beat out that muslim son of a bitch who ever he was. I am glad that we live in a world as clean and pure as it is today. Nothing else would have felt so good to sully. No other universe would be able to appreciate the truth of my Evil.

And 53 non-mothers. Screaming to the government for my blood for denying them their unconceived children.

Oh, Flip the switch, Executioner. Let the Current Pour.

Howls With Wolves

Wahkenah Spring Hike

Well, I finally got out hiking today. I have been out of it for so long that I my outdoor skills have grown rusty. And many of my favorite hiking toys have either gone into hiding or have completely left the house. Where is my Spot Emergency Beacon? Where is my #7 Pocket Knife? How in the hell did I get to the trail head and not remember my lunch shelter and my canteen? I had to use my emergency backup shelter and canteen.

This Umbrella probably didn't help my Nature Sense.

I was even having difficulty with my ability to commune with nature. Otherwise that damn wolf pack never would have been able to sneak up on me like that. I mean, I was on my back with the Alpha Male's jaws on my throat before I even knew they were there. And Silver Snout was so pleased with himself. I could feel him chuckling through the teeth gripping lightly at my jugular. He hasn't been able to surprise me like that for years. And the cubs, Grey Smoke and Tinkerbelle, I don't think they remembered me at all. They were so excited they tried to take a bite out of me. Would have too except their Mom saw what was happening and jumped in to chase them away.

Silver Snout just winked at me (where did he learn to do that) and backed off and let me up. Then he gestured to his mate to let the children go. Tinkerbelle was always the thinker of the pair, she held back, but Grey Smoke was on me in the instant, and just as fast I had him on his back with my Knife at his neck and my face pushing into his. DEATH OR SURRENDER was what I was thinking. And i could see the light come into his eyes. He suddenly remember the 2 legs that had waded out into that ice chocked river to rescue him and his sister that first winter of their lives. The Winter I became pack friend.

And then Silver Snout let out a howl. He howled out my true pack name. And his sister joined him. And the other adults and soon the entire pack was howling my true name. and I pulled back my knife and turned my head to the sky and howled my best rendition of the Name of the Pack. And we were all so happy with each other.

God what a great hike.

Fairy Falls.

Heads you Win

Heads you Win

I suspected that I might be in trouble when my thesis advisor scheduled a meeting with me at 8:00 in the morning. I mean, what self respecting grad student is up at that unholy hour? But I set my alarm and took a shower and even put on a clean shirt for the meeting.

Good thing too, first thing I saw upon coming into the professor's office were two Heads of the Church, in full official regalia. Crap, I hate these guys. But they do run the University. Well, and most of the planet for that matter. I flicked my thumb and slapped my wrist in the traditional greeting, “Heads” I said with as much sincerity as I could manage. The Church officials were much more formal, they flipped actual coins caught them deftly and slapped them onto the back of their writs. “Heads,” The both solemnly agreed.

I lifted an eyebrow at my advisor. Professor Hammer did not look happy. I would put him someplace between angry and terrified. That got my heart beating. Hammer is a senior tenured professor. His 'Hammer Supposition' is the closest thing the scientific community has to a unifying principle and the church positively dotes on him. But something had him worried. And I am thinking that that something was me.

“What's up, Professor?” I asked, genuinely bewildered. Other than that incident with the paint gun last year I really hadn't been up to anything terribly evil.

“Oh, you know well what is up you wicked unbeliever!” interjected the smaller and meaner looking of the two clergymen.

Even more confused, but now a little angry, I addressed the man directly, “I am a registered and sanctioned atheist, Sir, my beliefs or lack of them are protected by law”

“Oh, you have the right to your …. your blasphemy,” sputtered the man, “But it is illegal to proselytize your lies. Illegal and punishable by expulsion and prison !!”

I grabbed one of the professors guest chairs swung it around and sat down backward with my arms crossed on the chair back. I studied the clergymen closely. “Agreed” I finally said. Which made both of the churchmen open their eyes a little in surprise “And we can put aside for the moment that it is only legal to teach a belief, not a lack of it and get right on to the crux of the matter here. Which is, I still have no idea what you are talking about.”

Now Hammer finally got into the conversation, “They are upset by your thesis topic, Timothy.”

My Thesis topic? I had been giving him a thesis topic proposal every few weeks for almost 2 years. Which one could be upsetting the Church so. “Multiple Orgasms as a predictor of impending Earth Quake” I asked?

“No,” he coughed a little and looked at his desk. “The other one”.

“Better Beer through Quantum Mechanics”

“No, Damn you” he was clearly angry now, “The OTHER one.”

He really had lost me. And I was suspicious that he was just getting me to admit to the really bad ones. “Can you give me a hint”, I suggested.

“Multiple Universes”. He sighed. The clergy winced. The older one took out his coin and flipped it calling “Heads” when he spun it on to his wrist. I noted that he studied the coin intensely after the toss. As if it could possibly be anything except heads and by studying it he was proving his belief in the power of God. He was very devote. Why bother looking unless you want to show your devotion to your god? But he looked very upset.

“Are you OK, Head ahh..?” I left it hanging there.

The man looked at me ruefully. Manners demanded that he introduce himself long ago and he knew it. “Stephen is my name,” he said, in a quiet strong voice. “And my associate here is Head William. And we are indeed here because of your theory of Multiple Universes”.

“Multiple Universes.” I said looking first at Head Stephen and then at Head Williams. “Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather yell at me for 'Alternate Uses for K-Y Jelly' or 'Voice Recognition and Porn in the 21^st century'?”

Head William looked to blow a gasket and was ready to explode but Head Stephen shushed him with a gesture of his hand and look at me very seriously, “No, my son, it is multiple universes that concerns us, not your little sexual jokes. I wonder if you would go through your theory for us.”

I leaned back a little and studied the two. A side glance at Professor Hammer. No, they were all serious. Ok. I thought back. This is one of my more bizarre thesis ideas. “It isn't really a theory, you know. It is more of a thought exercise. The whole idea of the thesis was to develop it into a theory. Anyway, it goes like this, suppose there are a multitude of Universes that exist in parallel dimensions to each other. And every time a random event happens in a universe, N other universes come into existence. In each of these universes a different outcome of the random event actually occurs. And so if you should do a random event, like rolling a dice, then you would get a new universe for each of the possible outcomes.” And that is when it hit me. Oh shit. How could I have been so stupid.

Head Stephen took a deep breath. He was studying my face quite intently, “It just hit you, didn't it Timothy?” he sigged. “Well, that is a good thing, anyway. But you see it now. Don't you?”

Slowly I let my breath out. I didn't realize I had been holding it. “It is a known and observable law of physics that whenever you toss a coin, the result is heads. As long as you don't cheat and force a non-random event, It is always heads and has to be heads.”

“Of course it does,” said Head William, with fire in his eyes, “And this is because the lord our God has decreed it so. There is no other explanation. It is his will that forces the toss to be a heads. And to demonstrate, he flipped his holy coin, caught it, slapped it on his wrist almost sang out “Heads” in his religious zeal.

“Please continue, Timothy,” said Head Stephen, after a short silence.

“Well,” I said “Logically. If there exists these universes where anything happens, then there could be universes where, when you flip a coin, a Tail might occasionally appear....”

“Blasphemy!” shouted Head William.

“Oh, do shut up Willy.” said Head Stephen. “We need to get through this and you are just dragging it on. Please continue, Timothy.”

I had been thinking a few steps ahead. “Actually, in order for this to work, MOST of the other universes would need to be nearly random in heads and.... and in tails results.” Even for me, a devote atheist, such nonsense was hard to voice. “In fact, our Universe could be the ONLY of the multiple universes where such a thing would be true.”

“And so,” finished Stephen, “Our observation that every toss results in Heads doesn't have to be the will of God, it could be just the fact that someone has to be in the inverse of all Heads and we are that universe.”

“But..... But..... “ I said. Following it through, “That would mean that every time someone tosses a coin in prayer, there is a Universe created that results in Tails. Every Time !!! Every Single Time!! So the theory is just nonsense.” I pulled out a coin and flipped it. Catching and placing on my write. “Heads” I said. I flipped it again and again, “Heads...... Heads....... Heads............. This can't keep happening like this!!”

“Oh Timothy.” said Stephen, “You know it does. Every time you flip that coin you escape into the Universe that has tails. But part of you must stay here in our Heads Universe. At least, that is your theory. The issue for us is that your theory presents the only known possibility that God may not exist. That our entire universe and very existence could be random. Could be mere chance.”

I was suddenly overcome with sadness for the other me's that lived in the other universes where a coin toss would appear to be a random event. Either Heads or Tails could come up there. I profess to be an Atheist but How terrible for those other versions of me. The Horror at flipping a Tails and now positively knowing that there was no God. How could they possibly ever believe?

I looked at the coin in my hand and then silently passed it over the Head Stephen. If I never flipped a coin again I could never go to one of those other universes. Head Stephen took the coin but just looked on at me sadly, reading my mind. “It isn't that simple, Timothy. It isn't just your flips that effect you. Anyone, anywhere else in the world would also put you into the same danger with every toss.”

Both of us then became aware of Head William. He was standing to the side staring at the back of his hand. He must have just flipped his coin. He was staring at his hand and choking a little. And the look on his face was one of despair and insanity. I walked over to him but I knew what I would see. The tail of a coin shown clearly on the back of his outstretched wrist.

And I had this Dream

And I was falling.

Falling.

       Falling.

                 Falling.

Through blackness. Through Night. Through Emptiness.

Through Infinity.

And then, through the darkness. I began to detect the walls of a tunnel. Oh so far away.

And the tunnel was lined with cilia of immense size. There was a peristaltic wave in the cilia that tracked me as I fell. Driving me down the tunnel. Down the throat of hell.

After a while I drifted closer to one wall. I began to make out features on the cilia.

They were people.

Millions and millions of people.

And they were all pointing their hands at me as I fell. Making this giant wave. And as they pointed, they screamed. And now I could hear the screaming.

In terrible doppler I fell .

On and on.

Then below me. of a sudden. Came the ground.

And I HIT.

And all was silent.

And I sat up and looked around. I was in a towering heap of the dead, grotesque, bodies. Of various states of decomposition. Stacked to a height of 100 or more feet.

Nothing moved. All was dead. 

Then, at the bottom of the hill, I saw movement.

I was drawn toward it. I stumbled my way off the macabre mound.

At the bottom were demons. Little red horrendous imps that were picking up the dead bodies and carting them away.

They neither looked at me nor paid me any attention, but still I was drawn to follow them.

They carried their horrors further down in to the shadows until finally they can to a system of moving conveyor belts. On these belts they placed their loads to be carried into the dark.

One of the demons suddenly caught my eye. He was carrying a relatively well preserved nude body of a young woman. He winked at me, licked his lips, and dumped the girl onto the moving belts.

wondering at her ultimate fate, i followed.

The belt wound down for several hundred yards, the girl's body bumping up and down over the uneven assembly of the machinery. Finally it came to a collection of vats. At each vat was another demon. Each demon would grasp a body as it came by their vat, dunk it into the fetid liquid within and then put the body back onto the belt.

As I came to the first vat, the young woman's body was grasped and dunked and then put back onto the belt. To my astonishment, her body now looked less decayed. It looked fresher. Perhaps Freshly dead. 

At the second vat the process was repeated. Now she looked as if just resting.

On emerging from the third vat she opened her eyes and looked at me. Fear was writ large on her face, but here body was young and alive and comely.

Just as she was about to say something to me, the demon of the fourth vat grabbed her and dunked her through. She came out with red, perfect skin, small horns on her head, and a look of absolute ecstasy that started in her eyes and quickly traversed her entire body.

She stroked he legs. She convulsed in pleasure. She looked me in the eye and beckoned me to her.

Quickly I approached. But I was stopped by the bulk of the demon of the fifth vat. He gave no notice to our collision, but quickly performed his office and dunked my new red love into the vat. In and out.

She came out looking somewhat dazed. Confused as if drunk. And...... slightly reptilian. Strange.

Things started happening more quickly now.

The Sixth vat and her arms and legs were becoming fins. Her hair and skin scales.

The seventh vat and her body shape changed. She became shorter, flatter.

The eighth vat and she was a large flat fish.

Sudden the belts ended in a circular rotating table.

At 4 stations on the table were ever larger and more impressive Demons.

The first quickly cut off her head

The second took off the fins and slit the creature up the gut.

The 3rd took two quick slices removing the skin.

And the fourth. This gave me pause.

The fourth I realized, was Satan himself.

He made the final two cuts and held up the still living, still quivering piece of flesh to admire.

Suddenly he noticed me. He turned. He looked at me, raised one eyebrow and held up his handy work.

"Fillet of Soul?" he inquired.

Manga

Manga

It was easy to follow them through the Kyoto metro. The Father was especially nervous and over concerned about his directions and the safety of his Son. Clearly this American had very little experience traveling in Nippon. And he had no understanding of the true writing. He was continually scanning the area, but he was only focusing on the station signs and the arrival board. He was not seeing. The Son was mainly just following and trusting the Father. Though there was something about him. I would have to be careful of that one. He may have unsuspected depth. A Ninja is aware of these things, of course. Even unto death.

They left the Metro at the Eighth stop, Kawaramachi-Oike. I glided along a few groups behind them. My instructions were to kill them when they were alone. To leave the bodies in as bloody a mess as I could. For the enlightenment of the others.

Suddenly the Father stopped. He turned and looked around. His look was one of confusion. I had to keep walking, just another japanese to this Gaijin. But he looked right at me. He caught my eye. The Son also looked up and engaged. Both of them smiled slightly and bowed. We were surrounded by many people. This was not the place. Their behavior was just random. Their good manners surprising, perhaps also random. I returned their bow, with less respect, a little perturbed that they would not understand the slight, and walked on past them.

At the top of the stairs, I entered the sunlight and immediately began “the walking change”. If someone had been closely observing me over the next 5 minutes, they would have seen what I was doing, but to any casual by-passer, I was just a man that was: putting on his hat, taking off his glasses, removing his dark jacket, folding his jacket, unfolding his light jacket, putting on his jacket, many random small changes. But by the time I picked up the father and son again, 100 meters down the road, I was unrecognizable to either of the simpletons.

A block past the station they turned into the “Kyoto International Manga Museum”. How very interesting. It must be the Son that is the student of the one true art. Yes, I see it on his face. The Father is slightly bored and skeptical of the entire venture, but the Son is having difficulty containing his enthusiasm. Excellent. Their guards will be down. The Manga Museum is notorious for its crowds of true students. But they are always heavily engaged in a study of an important Manga Tome. It will be easy to make my kill and leave the bodies gushing blood onto the very floor of righteousness. What Irony! What bitter glory!

There is a special exhibit going on today. They pay the extra price (tourists) and proceed immediately to the 3^rd floor. I follow them in. This special exhibit does not have the crowd of readers perched on every available sitting space. This is where I will make it happen. I will create a glorious exhibit of my own.

I notice a few of the color prints on the wall. This exhibit is one of the more pure forms of Manga art. It shows young girls, just at the age of flowering, their expectations high and their intentions pure. Together with their Kantana, the Samurai killing sword, or bow or other weapon of death. Their true purity and deadly ability blend to create the art.

The Father has suddenly become much more animated. He is starting to enjoy the true artwork. How very interesting. He and the Son stand before one particular painting. They are obviously discussing the merits of the piece. I move closer to listen to their final words.”

“Sakura means 'Cherry Blossom', Dad.” Says the Son. “She is sitting on a bench observing the cherry blossoms. That is meaning of the title 'Observing the Cherry Blossoms'”.

“Yes,” says the Father. “But don't you see, she is looking back at us, the viewers. She is smiling in welcome to us. She is both the viewer of the cherry blossoms and the Cherry Blossom being viewed. It is a double entendre.” The Father reaches into his pocket and pulls out a notebook. He starts to make some markings.

This Father is a wise one. He understands the True Art well. Too bad he must die. Now.

“Oh,” Says the Son, “And by the way, Dad, That Ninja is still following us”.

“Yes,” says the Father, turning to look at me, “This seems like a good spot.”

Nani ?? This can not be. I reach for my short sword, but the father swings the notebook, it is on some string. It wraps around my arm? Silk Cord? Ah, it bites in. it is a blade disguised as a book. I leap to kick the Father in the throat, but the Son has moved. He grabs my right arm in a classic Ninja-go-dori and throws me off balance.

“Do you like the art exhibit?” asks the Son, his face only inches from mine. I shake my head to activate the poison spine on my temple, I will kill this one first, but before I can strike the Father has spun his silk thread around my neck. I cannot move. I cannot breath. The Son has drawn my short sword from its hidden scabbard. “You are number 3, by the way,” He says. Darkness comes.

The Father and Son exit the Manga Exhibit, but I see no sign of elder brother. Strange, I could have sworn he would make his kill when there were inside the Museum. And now he does not follow them. Perhaps he got too close and decided that they had recognized him. The two of them are laughing and swinging a newly bought package, with no cares in the world. Well, no matter. If elder brother has disengaged, then he means for me to take up the task. I will take care of these two insects and be back at the Dojo for dinner. The Son suddenly stops and looks in my direction. Almost as if he had noticed me. What an amusing thought.